In my local newspaper today, there was an article titled "Minimum wage hike leads to higher prices, restaurant survey says"

This article basically states that the minimum wage hike (again) will raise the cost of eating out.  It goes on to state that according to the most recent (May 2007) wage estimates from the statistics people at the US Dept of Labor that the average hourly wage for wait staff is $7.43.  

Which is probably true, but they are averaging in the tips plus hourly $2.13.  But this isn't stated, implying that this is what is made hourly.  

I just wish that it would have been made clear.   Now the general public of my region will believe that I am making above minimum wage and my tips will be reduced based on this assumption.  So will everyones, for that matter.

Stupid mass media.  

I am writing to the paper concerning this.  This is crazy.  

And I plan on drowning my worries with the imbibement of adult drinks and pointless hours of poker with my fellow workers.

Till next rant - 

Tonight's adventures being rather dull,  I would like to go on the subject of the facade. 
Your server is doing his or her goddamnest to please you.  The reason?  It is figured that the happier the customer is, the further that the server bends over backbreakingly for the customer, the higher the tip may be.  This is inaccurate. The customer will tip you whatever he or she can afford to tip you, but if your service sucks, it will reflect in the tip.  How does this make sense?  It doesn't, really, but it seems to be the rule.
Your server is smiling, always smiling, and trying to make jokes with you (in the semi-casual setting, at least), but do you realize what goes on when they walk into the kitchen?  This depends on the day.  Your server might laugh at your joke on the weather, turn into the kitchen, the resume the screaming match with the salad maker that was abruptly stopped when your food came into the window.  Croutons fly, mothers are insulted, rueing is promised, then your server walks right back out, smiles and asks you if you have room for dessert..  Your service is not affected by the fight with the asshole assistant manager that ended in tires being slashed.  Your food is well-presented to you despite the fact that the bus boy has left the server's other tables dirty for the past hour.  Your drink stays full regardless of the fact that the kitchen is in the weeds and it is taking thirty minutes for entrees to come up.

Please remember this when you watch your server, and keep this in mind as you calculate the tip.  Take the tax,  multiply it by two, and leave that as a rule.  It is not your server's fault that the kitchen was slow or that another table's three year old was screaming for more sprite.  Be kind to these people that serve you your food, you don't know what goes on in the back. 

The purpose of this is to open the public's eyes to the unrelenting and under-appreciated service industry.  I could begin with statistics (servers make, on average, $2.13 per hour), terminology (running your server, 86, gratuity and its benefits), or just daily life (rants and raves of various customers).
Hopefully this shall combine the above.  

Beginning with:

Tips.Are.Crucial.

As previously stated, servers make around $2.13/hr.  That being below minimum wage, tips ARE our income.  It is VITALY IMPORTANT to tip AT LEAST 15% in order for us to survive and pay bills.  3% of our total sales is distributed between the bartenders, hostesses, and bus boys.  This comes out of our tips, whether or not we are tipped.  This is inaccurately called "tip-out".  When you stiff your server/leave a crap tip, we are essentially paying to serve on you.
This is hated universally among us of the server class.  You are lucky most restaurants enforce a policy that we can't run after you and tell you something to the effect of "You need this $2 you left me on that $67 tab more than I do.  Thank you for trying to support me and my toddler, but your efforts really aren't necessary."

Our paychecks really aren't paychecks, it is how we pay our taxes.  The $2.13 we receive for each hour for dashing back and forth to ensue that your salad is drowned in three ramekins of ranch, one after the other, goes to Uncle Sam.  This makes our hourly wage null and void, so your tips are essential to us keeping the electricity on.  Keep this in mind when you budget your restaurant adventure!  It will result in less curses on you and yours after you leave the restaurant.  My personal supply of voodoo dolls is running low, and I can't afford to buy any more. 

This is not over, people.  Be nice to those that are bringing things that are going to be immediately consumed by you.  

Right now, I personally have to doll myself up to go to work.  Let's hope the antics of tonight are low and the tips are high.  
The water bill's due tomorrow.